DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the past 15 years or so, my wife and I have been hosting a potluck feast for Thanksgiving, with about 30 friends and family joining us at our house.

In our invitation, we announce that we’re supplying the turkey, soft drinks, booze and a few other staples, and ask others to bring an appetizer, side dish, dessert, etc. We even circulate a sign-up spreadsheet to keep things organized.

Years ago, when we began this tradition, everyone’s kids were teenagers and weren’t expected to contribute. But now they’re in their late 20s with good jobs, apartments, fiances and significant others, and they still don’t contribute. They literally step out of their cars empty-handed.

I guess we could put everyone’s name on the spreadsheet and ask them to indicate what they’re bringing, but we haven’t done that in the past. We prefer to keep it casual.

I don’t want to call anyone out or make them feel uncomfortable, and it’s fine if not everyone brings something, but I would like the younger generation to start pitching in. How can I encourage them to contribute without creating an awkward situation?

GENTLE READER: Say to each of the parents what you just said to Miss Manners: the bit about how you think it is time for the younger generation to contribute, but you understand if there are exceptions and do not want anyone to feel singled out. Then leave them to speak with their children.

If this sounds simple, be warned: There are traps. Parents faced with memories of trying to get rooms cleaned or homework done are likely to embrace any suggestion that would relieve them of responsibility — such as your idea to modify the sign-up sheet.

Note that you are not spared from calling your own children. If they do not show up bearing food, any progress will be resented.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at missmanners.com, by email to dearmissmanners@gmail.com, or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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