DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cohort of parents does not want to be counted among those who neglected their children’s education, so I am coming to you, the expert, for your list of important courtesies all children must learn and perform. I hope to encourage and inspire them in the teaching and modeling of manners to the next generation.
GENTLE READER: The list itself has not changed. It is the lackadaisical enforcement that has, as well as the bevy of excuses for why any given child (or adult) might be exempt.
So please, Gentle Readers, spare Miss Manners your exceptions to the following; she has heard them all.
Nevertheless, she will oblige:
– Say please and thank you.
– Respect elders and give them your seat; hold the door for them; politely tolerate unsolicited advice, even when you know it is not wise.
– Sit at the table for the duration of a meal and attempt to make conversation. Elbows should be off the table, napkins should be in laps and a sincere attempt should be made at using the proper utensils.
– Do not list your food grievances — even when asked. Allergies are the exception. Do your best to eat what you can, without comment.
– Look new acquaintances in the eye and shake a hand if it is offered.
– Write prompt thank-you letters for all presents that are not opened in person. Fake enthusiasm and gratitude for any that are.
– Generally, just take an interest in others and be kind.
If parents can instill these basic courtesies in their children, Miss Manners will consider it a victory. She has not lost all hope for a return to civility, even with substantial evidence against it.
• • •
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a teacher, and due to our school’s class schedule, I only have 20 minutes per day for lunch. This is one of the few moments I have to get some peace, quiet and time to myself during the school day.
Most of the teachers in my department teach in a building on the other side of our campus. I am invited to join them for special group lunches once or twice a week.
I rarely go, because I have full class schedules on either side of the lunch break. By the time I walk to this other building, sit down, eat and walk back, I have lost most of my break time.
How do I decline these requests without offending my colleagues? Telling them I’m too busy never seems to be a good enough excuse. They’ve called me grumpy and antisocial in the past.
GENTLE READER: “I would love to, but my current schedule just doesn’t allow for it. Maybe we can all band together to ask the administration for a longer lunch period so I can join you.”
Either the other teachers will rally together and do so, or — more likely — they will deem it not worth the hassle and leave you alone. Either way, problem solved.
