Dear Annie: My sister, “Erin,” has always been a bit dramatic, but lately it feels like she’s manufacturing chaos. She’s going through a divorce, and while I understand that’s difficult, she’s started calling me multiple times a day just to vent — about her ex, the kids, her job, our parents, her neighbor’s barking dog — anything and everything. I’ve tried to be supportive, but it’s exhausting. I work full-time, have two young kids and, honestly, I dread seeing her name pop up on my phone.
Last week, I let one of her calls go to voicemail and she texted me five times in an hour asking why I wasn’t picking up. When I finally called her back, she accused me of not caring about her. I told her I needed some space, and now she’s barely speaking to me.
I feel like I’m being forced into the role of emotional caretaker, and I don’t know how to set limits without causing more damage to our relationship. How do I support my sister without sacrificing my peace of mind? — Stretched Thin in Spokane
Dear Stretched Thin: You need to let go of your fear of letting Erin down; she won’t be satisfied with anything less than 100% of your attention, and unless you’re prepared to keep giving her that, she’s going to try to paint you as the bad guy.
Tell Erin, kindly but firmly, that you care about her but you’ve got a full plate and can’t be on-call. Suggest she speak with a professional who’s equipped to help. If she sulks, let her. She’s allowed to be upset, and you’re allowed to have boundaries.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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