Imagine if I tried to sell you on a hotel where they had several restaurants and a nightclub and even a casino. Eight hundred thread count sheets. Turndown service. Even a pillow concierge.

But imagine I then explained this entire hotel would be set adrift on deep water too far from land to survive if you wanted to leave. If there’s a total power failure, you can’t just check out and find a new hotel. If there’s a deadly viral outbreak, you’re not going anywhere. If there’s rampant food poisoning, a fire — hell, even a psycho killer — you’re trapped.

Photo by Kateryna Kovtun on Unsplash

You’d probably call me insane and walk out of my sales pitch.

But that’s exactly what you’re getting when you go on a cruise.

Cruises are more popular than ever. Which makes me wonder if these people have never heard of the cruise ships that have had norovirus outbreaks? Have they never heard of the documentary “Trainwreck: Poop Cruise” that recounted a stranded cruise ship with failed engines, sewage problems and food shortages?

Haven’t they heard of the MV Hondius, a Dutch cruise ship with a deadly outbreak of hantavirus? The fallout from that incident is still in play. Or what about the 115 people sickened by norovirus on the cruise ship bound for Florida?

These things feel like they happen far too often. I don’t want to be trapped in any situation I can’t walk away from if necessary.

Photo by Georgy Trofimov on Unsplash

These are worst-case scenarios.

Even those cruises where nothing bad by most people’s standards happens, cruises can still suck. I’ve been on a cruise where we were assigned exactly what time we ate dinner and exactly which total strangers we had to sit with. And before anyone says it, no, I did not want to make new friends.

No, I did not want to eat with a blowhard named Bob who bragged of being a house flipper and ripping people off. He was also seen throughout this cruise actively working on trying to cheat on his wife and I was stuck eating with this jackass night after night.

Photo by Colin Lloyd on Unsplash

Look, if a cruise does it for you, I’m happy you’re happy.

But I experienced bad food, weak drinks, C-list entertainment acts in lounges, need I go on?

Put it this way. Once I checked into a resort in a shore town and when I saw the room that looked nothing the website, I checked out immediately. Didn’t even care that I was being charged for one night. Went to Ocean City instead and checked in at the Flanders and had an extraordinary vacation.

I would have done the same with the cruise I was on if it weren’t for the drowning part.

Best Off-the-Beaten-Path Getaway Spots to Check Out This Summer in New Jersey

Here’s something to consider, New Jersey residents. If you still want to get away for a little bit this summer but can’t afford it, think about doing a staycation right here in the Garden State.

Sure, you can go to the Jersey Shore, the Wildwoods, Atlantic City, but those are big tourist spots. Consider checking out these 10 getaway spots “off the beaten path.”

Gallery Credit: Jen Ursillo

Opinions expressed in the post above are those of New Jersey 101.5 talk show host Jeff Deminski only.

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Summer Vacation in the ’70s and ’80s: These Nostalgic Photos Say It All

Take a trip back to summer in the ’70s and ’80s — when Ring Pops ruled, bikes meant freedom, and Press Your Luck kicked off the day. These photos hit all the nostalgic notes.

Gallery Credit: Stephen Lenz