“Rescuing too much can prevent growth, while healthy support builds resilience.” — Jeffrey Bernstein, Ph.D.
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” — Bible (Matthew 19:5)
In a 2011 survey conducted by George Mason University the No. 1 marriage issue identified by those surveyed was the involvement of in-laws in the couple’s married life. Contrast the results of the GMU survey, with the title of a recent article published in March 2026, by Mark Regnerus, professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin, titled “Twenty-something Marriage Deserves More Parental Support.”
What is the significance of these two different opinions? One says less parental involvement in their adult child’s decision to marry is best, and the other one says more parental involvement is good. Perhaps one significant difference is that the GMU survey was primarily among the students at GMU. The UTA survey focused on the parents. It is not surprising that parents in general want to hold onto their beloved children as much as possible, “helping” them to make the right choices, and protecting them from wrong choices (at least in their opinion). The children, on the other hand, usually believe they are old enough to make their own decisions. After all, didn’t their parents raise them so they could make their own choices?
The article by Regnerus tells the story of Lillian, whose parents didn’t like the idea of their daughter falling in love with and wanting to marry her college boyfriend. The article then goes on to say, “Lillian’s parents could be blamed for her [Lilllian’s] interest, since having married parents is a key predictor of finding oneself married in your younger years. In fact, analyses of my 2025 nationally representative Relationships in America survey of over 5,000 American adults reveal that 65% of married adults ages 20-35 report that their parents are still married themselves (or were so until one of them passed away). Among same-age divorcees, only 46% said their parents were still married. In other words, both entering and leaving marriage can be learned behavior.”
Simply put, children of parents who have not been divorced are more likely to remain married without divorce than those whose parents have been divorced. What this also says is that these parents (who have not gone through a divorce) have a hard time letting go of their children. These parents forget to consider the world as a young person in their 20s sees it. The parents see all the difficulties and the challenges they themselves faced. They want their child to have a good job, a good income, a place to live, have started to save for retirement, etc, etc. Instead, the parents need to trust that they have done the best they could in raising them. They can’t go on protecting them from the evils of the world.
Perhaps one of our biggest challenges today is recognizing the variety of family situations our young people come from. Parents who have been married, and never divorced, need to know how and how long to guide their children, and when to let go. Many couples today who have been through divorce, and have a blended family, may foster a different attitude towards a permanent marriage. Then there are many single parent families, with the father or mother missing. The children may receive very little parental guidance and have a very different, or even a negative, attitude toward marriage.
So how do we as a society, and especially as the church, help? We can continue to promote the fact that God’s design is for a man and a woman to come together, and to raise their children. Divorce is discouraged. When needed, others should step in to help with the children. We must raise our children to know God’s design for the family and how they should behave and then let go and leave them in God’s hands.
