SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (KELO) — October is domestic violence awareness month. Many people and communities are using this time to bring light to the warning signs of domestic abuse, as well as what resources are available for victims.

In this Eye on KELOLAND, Sydney Hoier talks with people who are unfortunately all too familiar with the topic.

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Throughout the month of October, the issues of domestic violence and abuse are widely discussed. For Patty Eirinberg, the effects of this type of violence are felt every day.

In February, Patty’s daughter, Emily, was allegedly murdered by her ex-boyfriend. Before Emily’s death, Patty’s knowledge of domestic abuse was limited.

“It was never my life,” said Patty Eirinberg, Emily’s mom. “We’ve, you know, was never my kids and not my home, not my family, kind of, you know, you kind of put yourself in a box until something happens in your own life.”

In the past eight months, Patty has learned more about the issue, as well as things about her daughter, that she didn’t know before.

“It infuriates me when you hear people in the public say, ‘Why didn’t they just get out? Why didn’t they just leave?’ Well, it’s not so easy,” said Patty.

Community resources are there for victims — but statistics show that it takes an average of seven times to leave their abuser before a person leave’s for good.

“Some people, we see them once and we never see them again,” said Kate Feilmeier, program director for Children’s Home Shelter for Family Safety. “Some people, it’s a couple times. And that’s just, we just keep serving them as they are. We understand the complexity of domestic violence and how hard it is to leave.”

Even when victims do successfully leave, that often makes the violence worse.

“The counselors and authorities in the police department have told us, is that that’s when it gets worse, and that’s when that victim needs protection. Because that’s when things ramp up,” said Patty.

At the Sioux Falls Police Department, Detective Melinda Mitchell is one of two officers who handle domestic violence cases. When it comes to restraining orders, issues vary case by case.

“I’ve had it where the defendant has been served and they won’t violate,” said Detective Melinda Mitchell with the Sioux Falls Police Department’s domestic violence unit. “And then I’ll have it where they violate every day, multiple times of the day.”

But that’s not the only way that domestic abuse varies.

“I’ve been working on domestic violence cases since 2022, and I’ve had victim and suspects who I’ve had repeated cases since 2022. I’ve also had cases where it’s come through once, and I haven’t had any more,” said Mitchell.

A little before Emily’s death, she had discussed getting a restraining order with her parents.

“A restraining order is one thing. But, she said, ‘piece of paper.’ My husband’s a lawyer. He says kind of the same thing,” said Patty.

That’s why Patty wants a change on the state level. She says police are doing all they can with the laws in place, but there aren’t enough protections for victims.

“So many women have approached me and told me about their stories, about how they, like Emily, had tried to get help, had called police for assistance. We just, the police are bound because we don’t have laws,” said Patty.

This month, police and organizations are taking extra steps to acknowledge that problem and bring it to light.

“Right now, we’re in the month of October. And so, we have an awareness for domestic violence. So, like this coming week, we actually go and we place all the ribbons on the police cars. And then we have our Take Back the Night event which is in support of it,” said Mitchell.

“Sometimes it can be really hard to see because domestic violence doesn’t happen suddenly,” said Feilmeier. “Most of the time, it’s not a big event that happens. It’s over time. Power and control is really what it is.”

Anyone who finds themselves in a domestic abuse situation has resources like the Children’s Home Shelter at their disposal, at any time.

“We’re open 24/7, 365. Holidays. Weekends. We’re always here. We always have advocates who are trained so they can answer phone calls. If you call in or if you stop in, we can help in person, too. So even if it’s 2 a.m. and you need help,” said Feilmeier.

And Patty says that the quote, ‘if you see something, say something,’ couldn’t be more true.

“If you see things going on with a friend or a parent or a sibling and it doesn’t feel right, talk to somebody about that,” said Patty. “And don’t just stand back and watch. You might see them today and not tomorrow. And we don’t need that.”

Tyson Christians, who is accused of murdering Emily, is scheduled to go on trial on November 10th. We will update you if the date changes.