We can do better than this by choosing our words carefully

Published 1:30 am Friday, October 30, 2026

I learned my verbal decorum in the 1950s by listening to others speak and by practicing what I heard. Many words entered my tender ears that weren’t nice and many that were profane. But as a youngster they sounded good to me, and they seemed very useful in conversation and especially in fights with my brothers.

In those days, slurs of all kinds were routinely used with little thought about their impact on people. Those who were nonwhite in my neighborhood, or people with a trait outside the expected norm, were often mocked. This was done with offhand jokes, demeaning words and contempt. This caused good people to be treated differently and to feel diminished.

Mean and degrading words were often used then, out of hand and for emphasis or humor. A word commonly used then, and still heard today in our culture, was “retard.” If you did something foolish, being called by the “R” word was not unusual. I have now stricken that word from my vocabulary. I made the change when our oldest grandson was born with a genetic and inherited intellectual disability called Fragile-X-syndrome.

Like many people, I had never heard of Fragile-X-syndrome until our grandson was born with it. Fragile-X is a rare corruption of the FMR1 gene. The normal FMR1 gene secretes hormones that help the brain develop proper cognition. This gene that my grandson carries is corrupted through no fault of his own.

While the “R” word is often used today casually in popular culture, it is deeply offensive to those who love someone with a cognitive disability. Our grandson will never drive, probably never work outside the home, and will most likely live with his parents for life.

Indeed, we love our grandson, and he has brought great joy and perspective into our lives and has much to teach us. One grace he possesses is that he doesn’t compare himself with others. Another is that he has joy unspeakable.

That is why it is so troubling to hear people still use the “R” word. It’s cruel, it’s unfair and it seems no different to me than using a racial slur. Our grandson didn’t ask to be born with a disability, and calling anyone by a belittling name such as that is rude and unacceptable.

So, you can imagine how our family felt in the last presidential election in 2024 when we heard Donald Trump publicly use the “R” word to describe the VP candidate, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz. What does it say about Trump’s leadership or his character? I’ll let you answer that question.

A true leader leads with actions, with humility and especially with words. Truthfully, our words actually reveal what is in our hearts. As Jesus said, it is not what goes into a person’s mouth that corrupts a person, but what comes out of their mouth. Based on what we hear coming from President Trump’s mouth, by the standards of Jesus, our president is corrupt from the inside out.

In leadership, as well as in life, we need to use our words to build people up, not tear them down. Encouragement smooths the rough roads of life; trash talk only creates roadblocks and makes people feel humiliated and marginalized.

We can do better than this, especially at the highest levels of leadership. On behalf of our grandson, who can’t articulate this concern, I say thank you for choosing your words more carefully and especially for respecting those with intellectual disabilities.

Sid Roberts is the mayor of Stanwood. The views and opinions expressed in this essay are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views, policies, or positions of the city of Stanwood, the Stanwood City Council, or any other governmental entity.