MISS MANNERS by Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I lent my friend an outfit and cardigan to wear to a wedding. Despite not wearing the cardigan, she washed it before returning it. As a result, it was ruined.
I didn’t ask her not to wash it, and she didn’t ask me if she should (or how). She’s offered to pay for it, but it cost a lot more than she’s used to paying for her clothes, so I feel bad that she’s stuck paying for something she had no idea was expensive.
What is the laundry etiquette in cases like this? Should I have told her to return it unwashed? Should she have asked how I would like it returned? Do I have her reimburse me for it, or is it just water under the bridge?
She’s a good friend and I don’t want to lose her over this, but I admit I am feeling resentful.
GENTLE READER: There was no good way to have prevented this. If you had told her the sweater was dry-clean only, you would be presuming that she was going to pay to clean it — which is the right thing to do, but not strictly required.
Miss Manners recommends that you let this go for the sake of the friendship and next time, do not lend things that are expensive, delicate or irreplaceable. Those are borrowing circumstances that do indeed lend themselves to resentment.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
