DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a card indicating that a donation had been made to a charity in my name. The amount of the donation was not specified. This came from a relative with whom relations have recently been frosty, so I don’t know what to make of this or how to respond.

As I see it, the donor gets a tax write-off and I get put on the mailing list of yet another charity. Since I am not the recipient of anything, is a thank-you note in order?

GENTLE READER: Judging from your tone, Miss Manners gathers that the relationship is not so frosty — and the charity not so offensive — that the relative set it up out of vengeance. If you are feeling familial, you could send a note to your relative, asking if this was done for any particular reason or occasion. If the answer is to your satisfaction, then follow up with a thank-you letter. But if you want to avoid this person entirely, send the inquiry to the charity itself, saying you believe it was done in error. Ask for the name to be changed, either to your relative’s — or to another person with whom your relative is similarly frosty.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend recently reserved a table for 5 p.m. to celebrate her husband’s birthday. When we arrived at 4:50 p.m., the hostess told us our table was not ready. We understood, but noticed that other patrons without reservations appeared to be seated more quickly. We were finally seated at 5:15 p.m.

We were excited for the evening, but the service that followed made the experience disappointing. Our waitress seemed overwhelmed. We never received water, chips or even silverware when the food arrived, and several items from our order were missing. My friend’s drink never came at all, and we had to repeatedly remind the waitress about forgotten items. In fairness, the restaurant was busy, but the frequency of the mistakes went beyond the occasional oversight.

Before asking for the check, my friend mentioned possibly writing a public review about the experience, as this restaurant is quite expensive. Her husband felt that a negative review can hurt business and preferred a more direct approach. He politely told the waitress he was dissatisfied with the service; she apologized.

In a situation involving numerous service errors, what would Miss Manners consider the most appropriate and gracious way to address the problem: speaking directly to staff, contacting management later, or simply letting it go? We did tip the young server.

GENTLE READER: The best option is what your friend’s husband did: speaking to the person about it politely, with no threat of punishment.

Because while it may feel less directly confrontational to call in a manager or publicly shame the restaurant, both are likely to get her disciplined or fired. That and not tipping her (which is likely the bulk of her already paltry pay), would not change your situation or improve her performance.

But kindness, directness and discretion will no doubt make her want to do better — and be grateful for the chance. Miss Manners can only hope that others will be inspired to do as your friend’s husband did.