DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am happily employed by a very low-key, faith-based organization. Community and collaboration are part of our work culture, so leadership encourages our teams to share holy day meals together several times a year. We always pray a simple blessing before we eat.
One of our co-workers is careful, and vocal, about how her food is sourced. Every time we eat together, she asks about the sourcing of the foods: “Is this egg/cheese/beef free-range/organic/local?” etc.
Most times, our responses are evidently unacceptable to her. After we’ve all prayed our simple blessing, she will add something that sounds like a mini table-side exorcism: “We cast out all toxins and poisons that may be in these foods.” She sometimes elaborates with details about PFAS in water sources and chickens suffering abuse.
Forget the repetitious religiosity of her prayers — we already blessed the food, making additional blessings unnecessary — it’s the rudeness that annoys me. People went to the trouble of preparing these dishes and bringing them to work to share, and she prayerfully refers to ingredients as poisons and toxins.
GENTLE READER: Not very charitable of her, is it?
You might politely remind your co-worker of this: “It is impressive how diligent you are about eating ethically sourced food. But of course we do not want to hurt feelings when people have gone to such great lengths to make meals for us to enjoy.
“Perhaps we can just bless the food for the sustenance it gives us, and not ‘cast out’ the things we don’t like,” you could continue. “I’m sure everyone has something that doesn’t agree with them, and we don’t want to seem ungrateful by pointing it out.”
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to a casual group of friends who share a common interest in music. One member sent an email to the group to let us know of a downturn in her health that would limit her participation in the group.
Most of the members responded to her email using the “reply all” option. I responded directly to her, expressing my concern without using “reply all.”
Another member of the group expressed surprise she had not seen any message from me to this person. I replied that I had responded directly, which is my usual practice in such situations.
I now wonder if “reply all” is the only way to avoid the impression among the group that I do not care about other members’ significant life changes. Has “reply all” become a way of keeping score?
GENTLE READER: Evidently. But it does not mean you have to play the game. Doing kind things without being publicly recognized for them is still an option in this attention-seeking world. Miss Manners hopes you find the inner fortitude to stick with it.
