DEAR MISS MANNERS: The wife of a close friend and college roommate from many years ago started an elite travel agency. They are not hurting for money, as he earns a very good living as a medical professional and they own two impressive homes.
A mutual friend confided in me that she, her husband and friends planned a vacation through their service and found the pricing exorbitant. This resulted in bad blood between the two.
I know she will approach me soon with a sales pitch for her upscale service, but I have no need for it. I have limited vacation time and a limited desire for international travel. And, quite frankly, I think it is poor judgment to mix business with a friendship.
All said, what does Miss Manners suggest as a polite “not interested” answer, while keeping the friendship of many years?
GENTLE READER: “Thank you, but I am afraid that we already have a longstanding travel agent.” Even if that agent is a website.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors moved into the house next door about five years ago. They have done nothing to the yard since. No mowing, pruning or weeding!
The place looks like it’s abandoned. Vine weeds have grown over trees, bushes and the sidewalk. They are seeding my yard. How can I tell them to get the yard taken care of? I have been frustrated and angry. What can I do?
GENTLE READER: Offer to provide some assistance: “We have had some unexpected growth in our yard, due to some seeds coming from yours. I would be happy to give you the name of some gardeners and landscaping businesses who can help with that.”
And if that does not work, Miss Manners suggests you add, “I’m sure it would help to add value to the house if you ever plan to sell.”
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When we had our daughter’s first birthday party, people brought gifts and left them in a separate room upon entrance. We had about 65 people, and a few gifts were without cards to identify who brought what.
We got our thank-you notes out within a week, but for the gifts without a card, we tried to reach out and ask nicely if they brought a gift (to personalize the note). We texted one person and they said they had not brought a gift, putting them in an awkward situation.
We wanted to be polite, but how should this have been handled?
GENTLE READER: Asking someone if they brought a present, even if it is done nicely, is awkward. It is more polite, Miss Manners finds, to ask specifically about the identity of one.
“We found a plush rocking cow after everyone left that we can’t identify. Does it belong to you?” The implication is that you are simply trying to get lost items back to their rightful owners. That way, if they did not bring anything, they can say it was not theirs.
And if they brought something else, they have the opportunity to say so. Or to steal your daughter’s new rocking cow.
