DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family is planning a big holiday party, to take place at my club. My son, my daughter and I are each going to invite our friends.

I belong to a women’s club, and I have a lot of friends there, but I do not know many of their husbands. I intend to invite all of the husbands whom I know, just not the ones I have never met. The per person cost for this party will be high, and if I invite all spouses, I could end up spending a lot of money on these strangers (to me).

On the other hand, I know that it is traditional to invite both members of a couple, and many would think it odd or even rude if I excluded their husbands. But I resent having to extend a party invitation to people I do not know.

If I follow through on this plan, will people get mad at me? Will I hurt people’s feelings? Is it so far from decent social norms that I will suffer backlash?

GENTLE READER: Yes, yes and yes.

Miss Manners is amazed that you have any doubt of this. If you were asked to leave your husband to spend a holiday with friends who have no interest in meeting him, even though other husbands are welcome, would you be delighted?

Well, maybe. But it would be sad if you had a whole club full of wives who felt that way.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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