Dear Annie: My youngest just left for college, and the quiet in this house feels deafening. For more than 20 years, my whole world revolved around being a mom. My days were built around carpools, practices, grocery lists and late-night talks in the kitchen. Now the rooms are still, the laundry baskets are empty, and I find myself standing in the doorway of my kids’ rooms just to feel close to them.
Everyone tells me to enjoy it, to travel or pick up a new hobby, but I just feel sad. I miss the noise, the laughter, even the arguing over who finished the milk. I miss being needed. My husband seems to be adjusting fine, but I feel this ache that I cannot shake. It is pride and loneliness all tangled together.
I know this is supposed to be a normal part of life, but it feels anything but normal to me. How do I fill the space that motherhood used to take up? How do I move forward when so much of who I am feels left behind in those busy, beautiful years? — Missing the Mayhem
Dear Missing the Mayhem: I get it. When the kids leave, the quiet can feel overwhelming. For years, your whole life ran on their schedules, their noise, their needs. Then suddenly, it is just still. It takes time to get used to that.
But here is the good news: This is not the end of something. It is the start of something new. You finally get to think about you again. What did you love before the carpool lines and college applications took over? Painting? Reading? Hiking? Start there. Even little things help, like coffee with a friend, a weekend class, a new recipe or a day trip you plan just because you can.
Your kids will always need you, but in a different way now. They still want to know you are cheering for them, and they will love seeing you happy and busy, not sad and waiting by the phone.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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