Dear Annie: I’ve been happily married for 18 years, and for most of that time I’ve slept poorly — but lately it’s become unbearable. My husband falls asleep within minutes and snores loudly and steadily through the night. I lie awake listening, nudging him, turning him onto his side, putting in earplugs, rearranging pillows and counting the hours until morning. Nothing works for long.

By the time the alarm goes off, I’m exhausted and irritable, while he wakes up refreshed and cheerful. I know he’s not doing this on purpose, but I can feel resentment creeping in anyway.

I’ve suggested doctors, nasal strips and other remedies, but he brushes them off because he sleeps just fine. I don’t want to make this a bigger issue than it needs to be, and I really don’t want separate bedrooms; it feels like admitting some kind of failure after all these years.

How do couples handle sleep problems like this without hurting each other or the marriage? — Awake and Alone

Dear Awake and Alone: Chronic sleep deprivation is not a small matter, and it’s not petty.

The problem here isn’t snoring. It’s that you’re paying the price while your husband shrugs because he isn’t. That’s what needs addressing.

Tell him plainly: “I’m not sleeping, and it’s affecting my health and well-being. I need us to treat this as our problem.” A loving spouse will hear the urgency.

Separate bedrooms are not a marital failure; they’re a practical solution many strong couples use. But if that feels like too big a leap, insist — kindly but firmly — on medical evaluation. Snoring can signal other issues and ignoring it because one person sleeps fine is not fair.

You’re not asking for perfection. You’re asking for rest. That’s a reasonable request.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.