DEAR ANNIE: I am struggling with what feels like a small thing, but it weighs on me. I have several great-nieces and great-nephews, and over the years I’ve tried to remember birthdays with cards, little gifts or even just a phone call. Lately, though, I feel overwhelmed. Between the number of children, the cost of presents and my own busy life, I can’t keep up the way I used to.

This year, two of them have birthdays coming up, and I find myself dreading it rather than looking forward to celebrating them. Part of me wonders if I should stop sending gifts altogether and just acknowledge the day with a heartfelt card or call. But then I worry they will think I don’t care or that I am playing favorites if some get gifts and others don’t.

I don’t want to disappoint these kids, but I also don’t want to feel resentful or guilty every time another birthday rolls around. Am I a bad great-aunt if I don’t keep sending birthday gifts? How do I show them love in a way that doesn’t leave me stretched too thin? — Wondering Aunt

DEAR WONDERING AUNT: You are not a bad great-aunt for wanting to set limits. Gifts are nice, but what children remember most is the love and attention behind them. A thoughtful card, a phone call or even a tradition like baking cookies together can mean far more than something from a store.

Do what feels genuine and sustainable for you. If that means sending cards instead of presents, that is perfectly fine. Your consistency and care will speak louder than any gift ever could.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

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