Dear Abby: My granddaughter is a nightmare, and timeouts are no use

December 11, 2025

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Dear Abby: My granddaughter is a nightmare, and timeouts are no use

DEAR ABBY: Our daughter and her family live an hour from us. She got a late start on marriage and children; their girls are 10 and 8.

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The little one is sweet and shy, but the 10-year-old is a nightmare to be around. She’s very smart but also manipulative. She lies, cheats and steals. She is rude and seems to always do exactly the opposite of what an adult tells her to do.

If her parents see her being sassy or ugly, they will put her in timeout for 10 minutes, but nothing ever changes.

None of their neighbors wants this child at their home. To make matters worse, she has begun puberty. We can’t stand being around this 10-year-old because it wears us out. We are both in fair health.

We love our daughter and would like to have a good relationship with the whole family. Please advise on how we could help or what we should do.

— EXHAUSTED GRANDPARENTS IN OHIO

DEAR GRANDPARENTS: A 10-minute timeout is not enough discipline for a 10-year-old’s consistent bad behavior. Without further intervention, that girl is headed for big trouble.

Please suggest to your daughter that she consult a child psychologist about how to get her obviously troubled daughter heading in the right direction before things become worse.

DEAR ABBY: I had a friend, “Mylene,” for many years. We swapped dog-sitting to offset the cost for each other.

I helped her when she was sick and when she broke her foot, walking her dog whenever she needed me. If a funeral, wedding or family emergency came up, I was always there for her.

An aunt of mine in another state passed away. The funeral was scheduled, then delayed because of logistical issues.

Mylene initially said she’d keep my dog, but when the date changed, she said she couldn’t do it. “I have to work,” she said.

Abby, her dog stays at home while she works, so why is there a problem?

I reminded her of everything that I have done to help her out when she needed it, but she didn’t want to help me. This was two days before I was to travel for the funeral.

I have tried many times to apologize to Mylene, but she refuses to make amends with me. All she does is send emojis, which I find disgusting. Can’t she call and talk to me like a grown adult to straighten this out?

I paid her several times to help her, and this is what I get? What do you think about this?

— DISAPPOINTED IN NORTH CAROLINA

Asking Eric: I had a doozy of a year, and I let it all hang out in my Christmas card
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DEAR DISAPPOINTED: You have done plenty for Mylene, but the time to remind her wasn’t when she said she couldn’t take care of your dog. (Is this why you “have tried many times to apologize”?) Mylene may have sent emojis instead of calling because you embarrassed her.

When we do favors for others, we shouldn’t do them with the expectation that we will be paid back.

What do I think about this? I think you should find another dog-sitter immediately.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.