DEAR ABBY by Abigail Van Buren
DEAR ABBY: I have grown children, grandchildren and a great-grandchild. I don’t know if they think I am senile, but they seem to think I must cater to their every whim. Most of them are self-centered, thinking only of themselves. They borrow money from me, and sometimes I let them know it is a loan. Other times I give it to them and tell them that it is a gift. Loans are to be paid back. When it’s given to you, it’s yours.
One daughter, “Marie,” borrowed a large sum of money and agreed to repay it in installments. She paid me back a portion of the money I had loaned her. When the next installment was due, she claimed her first payment was three times more than it had been. When I called her on it, she insisted she had given the higher amount.
I love all my family, but I don’t intend for anyone to play me. Marie has given me no further payments, and the borrowing has stopped. When Marie tried to get in my face and talk down to me, my wife of 30 years let her know she wasn’t to talk to me that way.
Since then, Marie has stopped speaking to us and has accused my wife of blocking her email, calls and texts. (That did not happen; I blocked them.) I just cannot see how a grown child could treat her parents the way we have been treated. I am deeply hurt, and I cannot seem to get past it. Your thoughts? — OLD MAN IN THE MOUNTAINS
DEAR OLD MAN: Your hurt is understandable. Not only is your self-entitled daughter a deadbeat, but she’s also disrespectful. You treated her with kindness, and not only did she not repay the money you loaned her, but she attacked you verbally. I hope your other offspring have more character. That said, I don’t think blocking Marie’s ability to contact you was a wise decision. She may wish to apologize in the future, and you have been preventing that possibility.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
