FILE PHOTO: Exam time brings extra presssure on children

COMMENT | CONSTANCE KICONCO |  “I don’t think I’m sick, but I’m stressed. I’m in Primary Seven. I’ve failed to get better marks in Maths. Musawo, I feel I’ve done everything, but the best I get is Credit 5. It’s putting me down. It has stressed me. I don’t feel like going back to school. I just want to sit my exams. My brother got a distinction in maths. My parents insist I can do better than him. I’ve given it my all, but nothing seems to work out. I’m sick of stress and the fear of letting my parents down.”

These are the words of a 13-year-old candidate pupil who was brought to me for a mental health session. His words have stayed with me. They reflect what many children quietly carry during exam season — the fear of failure and the worry of not making their parents proud.

As national exams draw near, many homes are filled with tension. Parents are anxious, children are restless, and teachers are under pressure. We all want our children to succeed — because we love them, we’ve sacrificed for them, and we want a better future for them. But sometimes, without meaning to, our concern turns into pressure, and our words — meant to encourage — end up hurting instead.

Every child is different. One may understand mathematics easily; another may shine in English, Science, or Social Studies. When we say, “Your brother got a distinction; what’s wrong with you?” the child doesn’t hear motivation — they hear, “You’re not enough.” But when we say, “I see how hard you’ve tried; let’s find a way to help you improve,” the child hears, “You are loved, even when you struggle.” Comparison may come from love, but it often plants fear instead of confidence.

A grade does not define who a child is or what they will become. Many people who once struggled in school have gone on to live successful and meaningful lives. When a child’s results fall short, it’s not a failure of character — it’s a moment for understanding and guidance. When we praise effort, children learn to keep trying. When we only praise marks, they begin to believe that love depends on performance.

That 13-year-old’s words — “I don’t think I’m sick, but I’m stressed” — should remind us that stress is real, even for children. It can affect their sleep, appetite, and overall happiness. Some cry quietly after weekly assessments; others pretend not to care, just to hide their fear. A calm, supported child learns better than one who is anxious. Peace at home gives them the courage to face pressure at school.

Before you react to a report card, pause and think: what will my words make my child feel? Are they hearing encouragement or disappointment? Are you noticing their effort or only their marks? Sometimes gentle words can heal more than a lecture ever will. Say: “I’m proud of your effort.” “You’re improving.” “You’ve tried your best.” “Let’s work on this together.” These simple phrases can lift a child’s spirit and restore hope.

Not every gift fits in an exam. Some children are artists, some are leaders, others are helpers or builders. We need all kinds of minds. When parents value these different strengths, they raise confident, balanced children — not just those who can pass exams.

Parents, I know you love your children and want the best for them. But as exams approach, remember this: your reassurance means more than the results. When you compare, you may crush their spirit. When you reassure, you help them rise again.

Because beyond the marks and papers, your child’s greatest test is this — believing that your love will not change despite their weaknesses.

*****

Kiconco Constance aka. Connie is a dedicated Child and Adolescent Mental Health Therapist with certifications in: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Child Psychology, Addiction and Substance Abuse Treatment, and Suicide and Violent Behaviour Studies. She has hands-on experience at Mulago Adolescent Clinic, Mulago and Nsambya Hospital  T1D clinics, where she provides psychosocial support and counseling to young people facing a range of mental health challenges. Her work is grounded in empathy, structured care, and a passion for emotional wellness and community transformation.

   kiconcoconnie@gmail.com