Name: Nonnamaxxing.

Age: 70 to 100, and beyond.

Appearance: Elderly, lively, Italian.

Like an archetypal Italian grandmother? Yes, but doing it to the max.

And how would you go about that? By walking everywhere, cooking for others, spending time with family and getting all up in everyone’s business.

I see. Why would you go about that? To live for ever.

You mean being a nonna is the secret to immortality? Maybe, if you optimise it hard enough.

Is this not simply one more aspect of the current ridiculous appetite for everything-maxxing? Well, yes, of course it is. But there may be some solid practical reasoning behind this particular version.

And what is that reasoning? Italy in general (and Sardinia in particular) is considered a Blue Zone: one of those places on Earth where people live a lot longer than the rest of us, many of them well past 100.

Yes, I’ve heard of Blue Zones. By tradition, nonnas live an exemplary Blue Zone lifestyle: they stay active, eat a homemade Mediterranean diet, maintain strong family ties and remain involved in their communities. All these things have been shown to promote longevity.

That seems logical enough. Gen Z in particular have taken to the idea of nonnamaxxing as an antidote to the modern condition.

So people between the ages of 14 and 29 are all going to start wearing floral aprons and sweeping the road in front of their homes? Honestly, they’ll try anything at this point.

I feel I should point out that the nonnas weren’t necessarily doing that stuff when they were between the ages of 14 and 29. Above all, your average nonna possesses the secret of dolce far niente.

I don’t know what that means. It’s an Italian phrase that roughly translates as “the sweetness of doing nothing”. In principle, it’s sort of an outlook on life; in practice, it means sitting on a hard chair on your front step, watching a goat eat a hair net.

I think I get it – it’s not really about the goat. If you’re gen Z it really just means: stop looking at your phone.

I suppose if gen Z are using the nonnas’ example to take sensible steps toward a healthier, more centred and relaxed lifestyle … They’re not – they’re trading aspirational pasta sauce recipes and cotton sundress links on social media.

That’s not how my nonna nonnamaxxes. Mine neither – she’s a Deliveroo driver. Rides a moped, if that counts?

Do say: “Cosa vuoi mangiare?”

Don’t say: “Stir faster, nonna! I need to post this video on TikTok tonight!”