DEAR ABBY: I have known “Sheila” for 30 years. We were once dear friends. She was always a social drinker. Twelve years ago, she lost her husband to cancer and began drinking increasingly heavily. Sheila’s now an alcoholic. Friends and family have tried many times to help her. She went to rehab twice to appease her daughter. She tried AA but said she wasn’t comfortable there. She had an in-home program for months but went through the motions only until it was done.
Over the last three years, Sheila has passed out, fallen and smashed her face and accidentally burned down her house. She has been taken to the hospital by ambulance a number of times, and most recently, got her second DUI conviction. My problem is, she phones me every week to chitchat about various everyday topics like nothing has happened. If I try to talk about her issues, Sheila says she’s sorry and will do better, and then changes the subject. Our conversations are making me sad and angry.
Should I finally confront her, or just cut her out of my life? I have tried to be caring and supportive when most of her other friends have written her off, but I’m ready to give up. — FINISHED IN MAINE
DEAR FINISHED: Tell Sheila that although you care about her, you are no longer willing to stand by and watch her try to kill herself, because that is what she has been doing. Tell her you would love to continue talking with her, but only once she has confronted her serious alcohol problem AND has started on the road to recovery. (Tell her daughter the same thing.) Sometimes, an addict must hit rock bottom before they realize what their habit has cost them.
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