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KIGALI – One evening, President Paul Kagame became so concerned about a close aide’s drinking that he sent security officers to find him and bring him to his office.

From upstairs, he watched as the aide arrived and struggled to climb the stairs, holding onto the wall for support. The following morning, Kagame tried to counsel him, hoping the encounter would be a turning point. It was not.

The story, shared with thousands of young Rwandans at BK Arena, was one of two personal experiences Kagame used to explain why changing destructive habits requires more than advice, punishment or help from others.

In another story, he described helping a young man he had supported through school plan a wedding with a budget of about Rwf10 million. Instead of spending the money on the celebration, the young man was encouraged to hold a simpler wedding without alcohol and use the money to build his new family.

The two experiences offered different lessons about personal choices: the limits of trying to change someone who is unwilling to change, and the value of questioning habits that people often accept without thinking.

The aide who struggled to climb the stairs

The President spent over 4 hours, with over 3 hours of this period, standing. He first gave an unscripted address. Then moved into the QA session where he repeatedly encouraged the youthful audience to ask anything.

Back to his narration during the speech, Kagame said he first became concerned when the aide was repeatedly unavailable in the evenings whenever the President tried to reach him.

Initially, he thought the man might have family responsibilities. But as the pattern continued, he decided to find out what was happening.

“One day I surprised him and sent security to look for him and bring him to me. I watched from upstairs as the man arrived and struggled to climb the stairs, holding onto the wall for support before reaching me,” Kagame recounted.

The following morning, the effects of the previous night’s drinking were still visible. Kagame said he spoke to the aide and tried to counsel him, hoping he would recognise the problem and change his behaviour.

But the intervention did not succeed.

For the President, the experience demonstrated that even direct intervention by someone in authority may not be enough to change a person’s behaviour.

“You can be punished, imprisoned, but if you do not decide for yourself, it will be meaningless,” he told the gathering.

The account formed part of Kagame’s wider message to young people about alcohol abuse and other habits that can gradually take control of their lives.

He said some people turn to alcohol to escape their problems, only to find that the problems remain when they become sober. Rather than avoid difficult situations, he urged young people to confront them before they grow worse.

“Repeated harmful behaviors can gradually become accepted as normal, making it harder for people to recognize their consequences. The good thing is to confront what is uncomfortable today, knowing that in the future you have good rewards,” he said.

A Rwf10 million wedding with no alcohol

Kagame offered a contrasting story about a young man whose education he had supported, including studies in Rwanda and abroad.

When the young man approached him for assistance with his wedding, he presented a budget of approximately Rwf10 million. He had also approached several other people for contributions.

Instead of simply handing over the money, Kagame said he helped review the wedding plans and remove expenses he considered unnecessary. He also offered the compound at his office as the venue.

One of the agreed changes was that alcohol would not be served.

The wedding was expected to host about 600 guests, who would instead be offered juice, coffee, tea and soft drinks.

Kagame said he promised to give the young man the Rwf10 million after the wedding, allowing him to use the money to build his new family rather than spend it all on a single celebration.

After the event, the President said he asked the young man what he felt he had missed by not serving alcohol.

According to Kagame, the young man said he had missed nothing.

The story illustrated a different way of approaching social expectations. Weddings can come with pressure to spend heavily and serve alcohol, but Kagame’s account suggested that neither was essential to making the occasion meaningful.

It also showed how practical support can help someone make choices that serve their longer-term interests.

The young man’s case differed from that of the aide. In one instance, an intervention failed to change behaviour. In the other, a young person accepted a different approach to a major life event.

The importance of second chances

Kagame said young people’s formative years are important because the habits they develop and the decisions they make can shape their future.

But he cautioned against giving up after making mistakes, saying people should remain open to changing direction.

“Whenever you wake up, remember there is always a chance for you to reform. Do not give up,” he said.

He urged young people to take responsibility for their choices rather than assume that punishment, advice or pressure from others would automatically produce lasting change.

“You do not have to keep asking what is good or bad. Begin with yourself and ask yourself what is good. Do not copy what others call good,” he said.

The message was also a warning against following behaviour simply because it has become common among friends or in society. People should examine whether their habits are helping or harming them, he said.

For young people, that means being willing to question the decisions they make today, including how they respond to personal difficulties and social pressure.

The two stories offered different perspectives on the same challenge. The aide’s experience showed the limits of intervention when someone is unwilling to change. The wedding demonstrated how questioning convention can lead to different choices and leave resources available for more lasting needs.

Kagame urged young people to learn from others, maintain discipline and take responsibility for their lives. Even when they make mistakes, he said, they should not give up the chance to reform.

His central message was that lasting change begins with the individual: other people can offer guidance and support, but the decision to change must ultimately come from within.

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