DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I were invited to a costume party, so that means I had to make or rent a costume. The woman who was hosting told everyone to bring a beverage and a gag gift.
This might have been OK, but she also said every guest had to pay $5 to attend. We are not teens or college kids, we are all adults.
I feel that if you have to charge people to attend a party, then you can’t afford it. You should therefore either not have the party or scale it down so you can afford it.
I did not attend, nor will I ever attend a party that you have to pay to enter. What do you think?
GENTLE READER: That the giver of this event must not have done this summer’s required reading of “The Odyssey.” She broke Zeus’ law of hospitality, so there were probably thunderstorms the night this party was held.
People who are charged for entertainment are not guests, but clients.
Miss Manners hears a great deal about the high cost of entertaining, and various schemes being practiced in order to share the cost. The traditional way to do this was reciprocal entertaining: Hosts bore the entire cost, but then ate out — for free! — when their guests invited them over in return.
It should be noted that this did not mean that each host had to spend the same amount of money. Everyone had their own styles and their own budgets; the point was hospitality itself. So it is a false excuse to argue that one cannot afford to reciprocate at the same level.
Another tradition, once common among the young, but which has now spread to all ages, is the cooperative party. The person who coordinates this, and even the person who provides the venue, are no more hosts than anyone else. So cooking and cleaning assignments are negotiable. It is a perversion of this when one person announces they are giving a party and then dictates assignments to their so-called guests.
In neither of these customs was money collected, although presumably a cooperative venture could decide to do so instead of having food contributions.
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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our grandson just became a new medical doctor. He will start his practice near his hometown community, where many of his relatives live. He is the first person in his middle-class family to earn an M.D. degree.
My husband and I do not know how to address him. Should we call him “doctor” or “Dr. Jones”? Calling him “John” any longer seems disrespectful and negates his achievement.
GENTLE READER: You’ve already been calling him “doctor,” haven’t you? You can’t fool Miss Manners.
The first time, your grandson laughed, and after that, he asked you to stop. So stop.
All right, you can do it again. But only when you recite to him all your friends’ symptoms, and ask him to diagnose them and to tell you how long they can expect to live.
