Dear Annie: I am a woman in my early 40s, living several states away from the town where I grew up. My relationship with my parents has always been complicated, especially with my mother, and for the last 25 years I have also been estranged from my older sister. She still lives near my parents, while I built my life far away.

The issue comes up whenever I consider visiting. If my parents know I’m coming, my mother almost always tells my sister and tries to arrange some kind of family get-together. What she doesn’t seem to accept is that I do not want contact with my sister. Our estrangement is not about some petty misunderstanding or old sibling rivalry. She hurt me deeply years ago, and despite the passage of time, I have no desire to reconnect.