DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am fortunate to lead a comfortable life financially. I am often in a position to help my elderly neighbors by doing tasks such as grocery shopping, shoveling snow, giving rides and the like.
Sometimes someone wants to pay me, but I try to tell them that no payment is necessary because I am doing it as a gift to them. I often know they could use the money more than I could (but I don’t express that, of course). I know they wish to show their appreciation, or maybe they feel some sort of obligation, but I feel guilty taking their money.
Am I being mannerly when I try to refuse payment, or would it be more proper that they accept my refusal? How long should the “Take it”/“No, it’s not necessary” go back and forth?
GENTLE READER: Try to avoid all that back-and-forth and think of a gracious and neighborly thing you can say instead. Miss Manners suggests, especially after grocery shopping: “I’ll tell you what: Next time I run out of sugar, I’m coming to you. Since now I know you have it.”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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