Miss Manners: Setting boundaries and reclaiming your time from needy acquaintances

Miss Manners: What to do when a guest hijacks the dinner party
March 3, 2026

LATEST NEWS

Miss Manners: Setting boundaries and reclaiming your time from needy acquaintances

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I’ve known for over 30 years. We’re both retired. I’m married, she isn’t. I keep very busy with a big house, rescued animals and projects I like to work on.

I’m not much for talking long on the phone, but I don’t mind texting, because I can reply when I have time.

The last couple of years, this friend has become increasingly annoying with her phone calls. If I reply to texts in rapid succession, it’s like an open invitation to call me. She’ll talk for hours about the quilts or the loaves of bread she’s made.

She posts things on social media that should be kept private. It’s so embarrassing, some of the things she’s posted. I’ve noticed she’s not getting too many “likes” or comments, so I hope she’s taking the hint.

I’ve learned to not answer her texts right away. I’ll wait hours sometimes. I’ll say something about being busy or tired and going to bed soon, and next thing I know, she’s calling.

I tell her that my phone isn’t working right, or that it was on the charger and I wasn’t nearby, but I can only do that so many times. I couldn’t sleep the other night, so I got online and I happened to post something I thought was funny. I’ll be doggone, she saw it and texted me! I have everything set to “private” but she could see I was awake. I ignored her.

The last straw was when she threw her two cats outside. One ended up dead in the neighbors’ yard, and who knows what happened to the other one. I think the first one was poisoned, from what she was telling me. She didn’t seem to care. I love animals and feel she was wrong to do what she did.

I feel like a snob, but I don’t have time for her mundane conversations just because she’s bored and I’m not. I can go back and forth texting other people all day, and we enjoy it without bothering each other with phone calls. I think I’m just looking for validation that it’s OK not to respond to her each time.

GENTLE READER: And you are maintaining this friendship because …?

Those 30 years, of course. Indeed, it is kind to tolerate longtime friends who have become lonely and boring.

Miss Manners is not one to attribute all poor behavior to medical problems and to excuse it on those grounds, as many free-range diagnosticians do. So let us first address the common problem of setting limits on friends who intrude on one’s time.

The simplest solution to those telephone calls is to explain your and your other friends’ habit of conversing only by text, and to say that such has become your policy. It is, in fact, an increasingly popular way of curbing the immediate demands of the telephone.

Then never pick up. And certainly never tell this person anything that you don’t want to be made public.

But the cat incident is alarming, and not only because of its cruelty. It does seem time to express concern about your friend to those more closely responsible for her welfare.

Share this post:

POLL

Who Will Vote For?

Other

Republican

Democrat

RECENT NEWS

A lake in the interior closed for fishing because of PFAS contamination. (Photo courtesy of Alaska Community Action on Toxics)

Screening, discussion of film on forever chemicals coming to Juneau

In Texas primary, GOP Sen. Cornyn tries to hold his seat while Democrats Crockett and Talarico face off for Senate

In Texas primary, GOP Sen. Cornyn tries to hold his seat while Democrats Crockett and Talarico face off for Senate

Alaska Lieutenant Governor Nancy Dahlstrom speaks during a celebration of the 10th anniversary of the Dena’ina Wellness Center in Kenai, Alaska, on Friday, July 12, 2024. (Jake Dye/Peninsula Clarion)

OPINION: Alaska maintains full control over its voter rolls

Dynamic Country URL Go to Country Info Page