Dear Annie: My older brother, “James,” has always been the golden child in our family. I’ve made peace with that over the years. But recently, he asked me to be the legal guardian of his two kids “just in case something ever happens.” I was caught off guard because we’re not that close, and he knows I don’t want children of my own. I asked why he wouldn’t ask one of his close friends or even his wife’s sister, and he said he “wouldn’t trust anyone else.”
On the one hand, I’m honored that he sees me as responsible and trustworthy. On the other, it feels like he’s asking me to take on a life I never wanted, based more on convenience or guilt than actual closeness. I also worry about how our parents would react if I said no. They’d likely see it as selfish.
How do I say no without creating a rift or making it seem like I don’t care about the kids? I love them, I really do — but I don’t want to raise them. — Not Mom Material
Dear Reader: There are many ways to love and support your brother without agreeing to raise his children. Tell him how honored you are that he sees you as trustworthy, but be honest: You’ve never seen yourself as a mother, and his children should have a parent who can love them the way they deserve.
If it helps, you can offer to stay involved in the kids’ lives in another way — as a godparent, mentor or someone they can always count on. That support still matters.
How your brother responds is up to him.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
If you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation. By using this site, you consent to our User Agreement and agree that your clicks, interactions, and personal information may be collected, recorded, and/or stored by us and social media and other third-party partners in accordance with our Privacy Policy.
