Dear Eric: I own a nice home with a pool. I have friends that often call me to ask me if I want to go lay out in the backyard or sometimes, they’ll just call and ask if they can come over to use the pool.
My issue is when I have people over, I feel obligated to entertain. Even though I know I don’t need to feel obligated, and they don’t expect anything, I’m really getting increasingly uncomfortable with people inviting themselves over to my home.
I think they feel that because we’re good friends they should feel comfortable inviting themselves over, but I think friendship goes both ways and they should respect the fact that this is an imposition on me many times and it puts me in an uncomfortable position to have to say no. If I’m doing stuff around the house, it’s uncomfortable for me to have people in my backyard.
I have no problem saying, “sorry not today it’s not a good time” but why do friends have to put me in this position? It’s rude and not something I would ever do to someone.
Any suggestions how I can get them to stop once and for all and just wait for an invite?
– No Lifeguard On Duty
Dear Lifeguard: I have to admit, I would be that friend. Guilty as charged. I’d be in your Ring cam with a swimsuit and a platter of hoagies every weekend. I think that when friends put in pools, we can sometimes see it as a community invitation. Which, of course, it’s not. I’ll leave the hoagies and be on my way.
It’s good that you’re able to let your friends know when you’re not up for guests. I’d say take it a pre-emptive step forward and tell them essentially what you told me. “Pool season is coming up and I hate having to say ‘no’ when the pool isn’t available, so would you do me the favor of not inviting yourself over this year? I can’t wait to get together when the time is right for everyone.”
Dear Eric: If I can’t remember if I sent a sympathy card to someone, what’s the best thing to do? Send or not send?
– Schoedinger’s Card
Dear Card: Send it. There’s never too much human kindness.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.
