DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you respond to dinner guests who ask for items above and beyond those which are visibly on offer or verbally listed by the host?
For example: “Do you have brand X of water?” when the host is asking whether the guest would like some water (generic); or, “Do you have a particular alcohol?” when the host does not mention it specifically.
It seems rude to make the host look small by constantly denying availability or making him scramble to fill the guest’s overly demanding and precious requests.
GENTLE READER: Do you have a small fork Miss Manners could borrow? The word “constantly” is stuck in that sentence in an odd place, and it is going to bother her if she cannot get it out where she can have a look at it.
The problem, you see, is that she agrees with you that it is rude for a guest to attempt to show up their host by making impossible or inconsiderate demands. But so many brand names are now used generically that she needs an aspirin — and does not want a guest to be considered rude who was awkwardly asking if you had fizzy water.
The answer, if you do not, is, “I’m so sorry, I don’t. But I have this or that if you would like.”
(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
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