DEAR ABBY: What do you say when going to visit a not-so-close relative who is dying? I have an aunt who has been diagnosed with late-stage cancer and has recently gone on hospice. She may have one to four months to live. I used to spend time around her during family functions when I was younger, but I haven’t seen her in at least a decade now, although we live in the same town.
I’m good at making small talk under normal circumstances and I know how to write nice cards for birthdays and such, but what do you say to someone who’s dying whom you haven’t talked to in a long time? You can’t ask, “How have you been?” or treat them like it’s the last time you’ll see them (even if it may be). I’d like to visit her before she passes, but I am at a loss for words. Please help. — CLUELESS NEPHEW IN IDAHO
DEAR NEPHEW: Much depends upon the condition your relative is in when you visit. Keep in mind, she may have some things she would like to say to you. That said, some things you might convey:
“Thank you for seeing me. I know it has been some time since we’ve seen each other, but I wanted to come and tell you how much I always enjoyed and appreciated the time we spent together at all those family functions. THANK YOU for that. I won’t stay long because I don’t want you to waste your energy, but you need to know that I love you and always will.”
Understand that your presence there is as important as anything you might say to her. Remember that if you get stuck for words.
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