Dear Annie: I returned home from a trip recently to find my world turned upside down. While I was away, my daughter, her husband and my two grandchildren, who live in a camper on my property, broke into my home. They forced their way into my bedroom, the basement where I store my late husband’s antiques, my sheds, my grain bin and even cut the locks off three metal trunks that held my jewelry. They ransacked everything, taking what they wanted and leaving behind chaos.
I discovered they had also broken into my brand-new car. My daughter drove it without a license and sideswiped something, and now the vehicle pulls so hard to the right that the tire has to be replaced. She also drove my husband’s truck — again, no license. I realized that legal paperwork, my digital camera, a pellet gun, clips for my .22 rifle, jewelry, my new smartwatch and countless other personal belongings were missing. I have never felt so violated in my life.
When I walked into my house, it was a disaster — papers, wrappers, toys and dirty dishes everywhere. Every bit of food gone. It looked like a place I didn’t even recognize. She eventually returned a few things, and I found others and took them back, but she refuses to pay for the car repair and claims she doesn’t know where the rest of my belongings are. To make matters worse, she pulled the screen off my bedroom window to sneak in again after I got back, taking more items. Since my return, my car has been broken into three more times.
I’ve filed a statement against my daughter, her husband and my late husband’s friend who also lives in a camper on my property. My son-in-law is now in jail for unrelated reasons, so it’s just the friend, my daughter and my grandchildren left here. I’ve begun eviction proceedings against the friend. But when it comes to my daughter, I am lost. I lock my doors every time I step outside just to feed my dogs. I cannot trust her in my home anymore.
How do I ever trust my own daughter again after something like this? — Betrayed in my Own Home
Dear Betrayed: Trust isn’t something you can simply will back into place; it must be earned. Your daughter has shown you with her actions that she cannot be trusted in your home, and sadly, that means you must protect yourself and your property.
You were right to make a statement and to take legal steps. Loving her does not mean allowing her to trample over your boundaries. Keep your locks secure, set firm limits and let the law do its part. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do for family is to stop enabling bad behavior and insist on accountability.
Read more Dear Annie and other advice columns.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology — featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit Creators Publishing for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
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